Rant

Now I know this is supposed to be about horror and all but this kind of has to do with writing and fiction. Plus, I think this is horrible:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5TE99sAbwM

See what I am saying. Horrible.

I tried to keep this over on my Facebook but it was too long, so here it is.

Lets talk about Internal Logic.

The Bible is a big book, story, myth right. [If that statement offends, stand the fuck by.] It has a narrative like other books.

I read a lot of fantasy, horror, and superhero related comics... These are all flights of fancy that happen in their own worlds. These worlds have their own strange rules that make them dissimilar from our own. They establish these with an Internal Logic.

In Green Lantern, his ring does not effect yellow objects. In (most) vampire fiction stakes, sunlight, and beheadings kill them. In Star Wars the Force is a all encompassing metaphysical force that permeates all life. These works take whole novels, episodes, or issues establishing these things as facts, or rules within their own logical frameworks.

The Bible does that too. God is faith, love, and hope. He is perfect. Countless stories set this up.

Pat Robertson apparently has thrown out all of this. His god is a mean, vengeful bastard. He reached down out of heaven and swatted Haiti. He did it because (true story) their ancestors made a pact with the devil. Talk about some spiteful shit.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold... And acted against people who may not even have any idea what they are being punished for. Bwa-ha-ha!"

Even for a comic book villain this is trite and simplistic.

I hate qualifying things, but I think here it is a good and appropriate thing to do.

For the Christians reading this:

I am not saying your god did this. I am saying that Pat Robertson says his did. He is throwing out all the Internal Logic of the Bible (that next week he is going to hold up as fact on his show) and saying that God is in something akin to a Klingon Blood Feud with Haiti.

*

I cannot stand it when I am reading a book, for example a vampire novel, where in the first few pages a vampire gets staked, nothing happens, he does not die, and I feel the writer was looking for me to be shocked. Why would I be? Do vampires die when they are staked in this book's universe, its reality? I don't know mister writer. You have not told me.

In the Matrix (great movie with terrible sequels) it is established what the characters can and cannot do. It is hammered home for most of the movie. So when Neo finally starts going all Bad-Ass at the end, taking on Smith we can be shocked right along with the characters in the movie. [Smith looks REALLY shocked.] They established an Internal Logic, built it up and made it the reality we were viewing. When they shattered it we generally had reason to be surprised.

What does that have to do with Pat Robertson?

I do not believe the man understands the core principles (the Internal Logic) of the book he is trying to teach us on a daily basis. When he says crap like this (which is being added to his long list of Dumb-Ass Quotes as #317) it tweaks that same nerve in my head that get irritated when I read a book like the "vampire novel" described above.

*

It may seem odd to compare this outrage with the outrage I feel over a bad book I am reading, but I get pretty flaming mad when I read a bad book. I get especially peeved off when a book does just this thing.

I am a Geek, what else do I have to say. One of the tell-tale signs of being a geek is getting way madder then you should about your passions.

Don't believe me? Go to a sci-fi, gaming, or comic convention. Wait till you see a guy with vulcan ears near a guy wearing a Battlestar Galactica t-shirt. Ask them if the Borg could beat the Cylons in an all out war. Step back and watch the insanity...

I can laugh at it but then I catch my self getting red in the face over a writer relying way too much on adverbs.

Which, by the way:

Adverbs are the Cheap-Whore Cousins of adjectives. They are the equivalent of flashy special effects in a movie.

"Sure there is no story, the characters are two dimensional, and I couldn't care a lick to ever see it again, but damn the CG was fantastic!"

*

Okay, I'm done for now. I just needed to express why this angered up my blood so much.

Of course, no I am mad as hell at adverbs.